I Died the Day My Husband Got Honored

On the first day after my husband, Julian Whitmore, dies in battle, the Prince Regent, Adrian Blackwood, storms into the mourning room and kisses me in front of my husband's portrait. That very night, he takes me to Blackwood Manor against my will. I hate him with passion. I try to kill him with a hairpin several times, yet he never once loses his temper. When I miss my dead husband, Adrian allows me to set up a mourning room. When I refuse to eat, he personally makes porridge for me. When I fall seriously ill, he even suspends his court duties for seven days to stay by my bedside. After two years together, I finally let go of Julian and agreed to marry Adrian. But on the eve of our wedding, my husband, who is supposed to be dead, returns. It turns out Julian has been operating undercover in enemy territory on royal orders all along. Adrian takes another man's wife by force and bears all the blame and disgrace. He does it just to convince the enemy that the royal court has abandoned Julian. Now that Northvale has been defeated and Julian has returned victorious, they no longer need me. Adrian hands me a Deathveil Pill. "This pill will make you appear dead for six hours. After your funeral, I'll send you to my estate." I beg him to let me go home and say goodbye. Julian comes to pick me up. He still brings me my favorite cherry pastries. My parents hold me close and weep, promising that I will always be their daughter. I think at least someone still can't bear to lose me. But that night, my father brings out a stack of letters Julian sent home to let them know he was safe. It turns out my parents have known all along about his promotions and when he would return. My parents have watched me mourn Julian, dressed in black. They've watched me cry before his portrait until dawn. They also watch me gradually betray the husband I believe is dead as I fall in love with Adrian. Yet not one of them has told me Julian is still alive. Now he can reclaim his identity, Adrian can clear his name of the disgrace of taking another man's wife, and everyone can start over. Everyone except me. For three years, my hatred has been real. So have my love and my guilt. But none of it matters anymore. I take the Deathveil Pill and swallow it in one gulp. All my life, they've told me whom I should remain faithful to and coaxed me into falling in love with someone else. Now they've even made all the arrangements for my death. But I want this last decision to be mine. All I hope is that once I close my eyes, I'll never have to open them again. Chapter 1 After Adrian Blackwood left, I sat at the table for a long time. The bottle of Deathveil pills was right beside me. Taking them would suppress my vital signs for six hours. Once my coffin was taken outside Kingsbridge, someone would open it and take me to the south. Adrian had even prepared a new identity for me. I'd be Sarah Bennett, a 23-year-old widow and an orphan. Clara Hayes picked up the wedding dress that hadn't been put away yet. Suddenly, tears rolled down her cheeks. "My lady, you were just trying it on yesterday." She was right. Just yesterday, Adrian had even helped straighten my bridal crown. He said that after our wedding the following day, I'd never have to endure other people's criticism again. And I'd actually believed him. For the past two years, everyone in Kingsbridge had talked about how much criticism he'd endured for my sake. They also said he indulged my every whim. But there was one thing Adrian had never done. He'd never slept with me. I'd mistaken his restraint for tenderness. Now, I finally understood why. He had known all along that Julian Whitmore was alive. Of course, Adrian wouldn't sleep with the wife of a man who had served the kingdom so honorably. I was nothing more than someone he'd used to fool the Northvale spies. Now that Julian had returned victorious, the charade was over, and I was no longer needed. Suddenly, laughter rang out from beyond the courtyard. Vivienne Sinclair entered with several maids. She went straight to my cushioned couch and sat down before lifting my wedding dress. "The gold-thread embroidery is quite exquisite. Too bad you won't have the chance to wear it." Vivienne was a secondary consort of the Blackwood household and had known Adrian for years. Ever since I'd moved in, she'd competed with me over everything. She used to make a fuss for ages whenever she couldn't get the better of me. But today, she was unusually cheerful. "His Highness said this residence will be mine from now on." Vivienne gestured with her hand and added, "Clear out Ms. Ashford's belongings, especially that wedding dress. Leaving it here would be such bad luck." Clara snatched the dress back. "His Highness had this dress specially made for my lady!" Vivienne burst out laughing. "The wedding's been called off. What's the point of keeping it?" She continued, "Remove the pearls and gold threads. They'll be perfect for making me a court dress." Two maids immediately stepped forward. I pressed my hand against the dress. "Don't touch it." Vivienne shot me a glance. "Did you really think His Highness was going to marry you? He told me himself last night that you're still Julian's wife." She added, "Even if it was all an act, he couldn't actually dishonor a man who went undercover for the kingdom." She leaned closer, her smile growing more and more grating. "Tell me, has His Highness ever actually slept with you in these past two years?" My grip suddenly tightened. During that first year, I hated Adrian. I refused to eat, tried to run away, and even wounded him with a hairpin. He never lost his temper but simply said he'd wait. Eventually, I stopped pushing him away and willingly leaned into his arms. But all he did was pull the covers over me and quietly tell me we had plenty of time. I'd secretly been glad that he'd held back. Only now did I understand that he hadn't been waiting for me to accept him. He'd been waiting for Julian to return. Just then, the door opened, and Adrian walked in. Vivienne immediately linked her arm through his. "Your Highness, no one's going to wear this wedding dress anyway. Can I have it?" He barely glanced at it and replied, "Do as you please." The seamstress took out a pair of scissors and began cutting the gold threads on the dress. Adrian had commissioned seamstresses from Southmere to make it. They'd spent three months rushing to finish it. When it arrived, he'd asked if I liked it. I'd told him it wasn't pretty. But that night, I'd asked Clara to light a few extra lamps and spent a long time secretly trying it on. I looked at Adrian and asked, "Was it because Julian was still alive that you never slept with me?" He remained silent for a moment before responding, "He risked his life serving the kingdom. I couldn't actually take his wife from him." Vivienne leaned against his shoulder, looking at me triumphantly. Adrian didn't push her away. Instead, he spoke to me gently. "Evelyn, I know this is hard for you to accept right now. But I've never treated you poorly these past two years. Even after you move to the south, I'll make sure you're taken care of for the rest of your life." He wasn't wrong. Adrian had stayed by my side when I was sick. When I woke from nightmares, he'd held me until dawn. Even if all that kindness had been an act, at least I hadn't known it then. I'd even imagined wearing that wedding dress and spending the rest of my life with him. But when I'd finally stopped calling out Julian's name and started embracing Adrian instead, what had he been thinking? He'd probably just been relieved that I'd finally fallen for him. It made the whole deception more convincing. The scissors cut through the embroidered roses, separating the intertwined blooms. Vivienne left with her arm linked through Adrian's. I stared at the gold threads scattered across the floor. Just yesterday, he'd said we would exchange wedding vows. I'd been waiting for tomorrow, believing it would be my wedding day. Instead, Adrian himself had arranged for news of my death. Chapter 2 The next day, Julian came to take me back to the Ashford residence. He'd brought my favorite cherry pastries again. "They're from Bennett's Bakery in the south of Kingsbridge. Fresh out of the oven." When he left for war three years ago, he'd bought me a bag of those same cherry pastries. The wind was strong that day. I ran after his horse all the way beyond the city gates and refused to let go. Julian had no choice but to dismount and comfort me. He broke the last cherry pastry in half, popped one half into my mouth, and ate the other half. "There. That counts as us having one together." My eyes were red as I asked, "What about next time?" He tightened my cloak around me, then smiled and gently tapped the tip of my nose. "When I come back, I'll make it up to you with a whole box." I waited more than six months. But the next thing delivered to the Ashford residence wasn't cherry pastries. It was his battle armor, soaked in blood. I sat there holding the armor until dawn. I ran my fingers over the blade marks repeatedly. My father said nothing remained of Julian's body. My mother added that the borderland was bitterly cold, and he probably hadn't even been left with an intact body. From that day on, I never ate cherry pastries again. Now, Julian sat across from me. He had a new scar along his brow, and his palms were much rougher than before. The man I'd thought I'd never see again still remembered that the pastries from Bennett's Bakery were best eaten warm. He pushed the paper-wrapped pastries toward me. "Evelyn, you've been through so much these past three years." I lowered my eyes without saying a word. He continued, "After tomorrow, everything will go back to the way it was." The way it was. Julian would still be General Whitmore, celebrated for his military victories. And Adrian would no longer be seen as the villain who'd stolen another man's wife. My parents could finally clear their names of the disgrace of having allowed their daughter to be unfaithful to her husband. They could all return to the lives they'd led three years ago, as though none of this absurd ordeal had ever happened. But I was the only one who could no longer go back. The carriage stopped at the back entrance of the Ashford residence. My mother came out to greet me, her eyes red with tears, and immediately pulled me into her arms. "How did you get so thin? Didn't the people at Blackwood Manor take good care of you?" She stroked my face, then hurriedly pulled my hood lower. "Quick, get inside before anyone sees you." My room was just as I'd left it before getting married. The books I'd read still sat by the window, and the comb I'd used as a child was still on the dressing table. My mother personally combed my hair, then instructed the servants to bring me my favorite vanilla custard. "You always hated getting out of bed when you were little. Every time, I had to carry you over to the dressing table before I could get your hair done." Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke. Seeing all those familiar things reflected in the mirror, I couldn't help tearing up. For a moment, it almost felt as though the past three years had never happened. Julian hadn't died in battle, and Adrian hadn't taken me away. I was simply a married daughter who'd been mistreated and had come home to her mother's side. But just as dinner was served, my father had a coffin brought into the room. It was placed beside the freshly prepared dinner, and the smell of varnish overpowered the sweet aroma of the vanilla custard. My father explained, "We're short on time, so let's check the size first. If anything doesn't fit, there's still time to make adjustments tonight." Just moments ago, my mother had been asking if the custard was sweet enough. Now she was holding burial clothes up against me to see if they fit. "The sleeves seem a little wide," she said. My father glanced at it, then replied, "You won't be able to tell once she's lying inside." Julian helped me into the coffin and arranged a soft pillow beneath my head. "Don't be afraid. It's only six hours. Once we're outside the city, I'll personally help you out." The coffin had a soft mattress inside, with air holes around it. They'd planned everything so thoroughly that they must have discussed it countless times beforehand. As I sat up, I accidentally knocked a wooden box off the edge of the table. The lid flew open, scattering dozens of letters across the floor. My mother's expression changed instantly. "Evelyn, don't read them." But I'd already recognized the handwriting. It was Julian's. The earliest letter was dated six days after his supposed death. In it, he said he'd successfully infiltrated Northvale and told my parents not to worry. In every letter that followed, he'd asked about me. My father had told him that I'd cried so hard I'd fainted three times in the mourning hall. My mother told him that after Adrian took me away, I'd initially tried to end my life every day, but had gradually become more resigned to my circumstances. I gripped the letter so tightly that my fingernails nearly dug into my palm. "You knew he was alive all along?" I asked. My mother burst into tears. "I couldn't tell you." "Why?" I pressed. My father answered gravely, "It was a military secret. If you'd known, you might have given something away." I looked around at everyone in the room. My parents, Julian, the steward, and the servants who'd handled the letters. So, this was their idea of a military secret. So many people knew the truth, yet I was the only one they couldn't tell. Because my grief had to be real. My hatred had to be real. And in front of the enemy spies, I had to gradually fall in love with Adrian. Julian placed the bag of cherry pastries in front of me. "Don't blame them. Because of this, 12 cities were reclaimed, and tens of thousands of people survived. What you've been through wasn't for nothing." He continued, "Besides, His Highness has already made careful arrangements for you. He's even willing to spare your life." He made it all sound so noble and righteous, as though any resentment on my part would mean I didn't care about the people of the kingdom. I lowered my gaze to the bag of cherry pastries. Three years ago, Julian had shared half of his last pastry with me and promised to buy me more when he returned. I waited through the arrival of his bloodstained armor and the removal of the white funeral banners. In time, I even fell in love with another man. Now he'd returned with the whole box of cherry pastries he owed me. But he hadn't come to take me back. He'd come to put me in a coffin. Chapter 3 As I was leaving the Ashford residence, my father handed me a family identification token. "If anyone stops you for questioning along the way, show them this. Don't let anyone find out you came home today." As the carriage passed through the west market, I suddenly asked the driver to stop. "We've got rats in the old storeroom at home. Could you please stop by the pharmacy and pick up some rat poison for me?" The driver suspected nothing. He took the token and went into the shop. A short while later, he handed the packet into the carriage and made a point of warning me. "Miss, the shopkeeper said this stuff is extremely poisonous. Keep it somewhere safe and make sure no one touches it by accident." I slipped the packet into my bag without a word. The last thing my father had given me had actually come in handy after all. When I returned to Blackwood Manor, the rooms I'd lived in for the past two years had already been mostly cleared out. Vivienne was reclining on my chaise lounge, casually playing with a small wooden bird. I used to dream of Julian covered in blood every night. Adrian had carved the bird himself, telling me it could fly beyond the high walls and carry messages to the dead. I'd kept it beside my pillow and treasured it for two years. A moment later, Vivienne let go of the wooden bird. It fell into the brazier, and flames quickly engulfed its wings. She smiled and said, "Are you really that attached to it? What a shame His Highness didn't carve it because he felt sorry for you." She leaned closer, her voice full of satisfaction. "Back then, you cried out Julian's name every night. Northvale spies were everywhere outside the manor. His Highness was afraid you'd say something you shouldn't, so he went to all that trouble to comfort you and help you sleep." I stared at the wooden bird as it slowly blackened in the brazier. "What about the time I fell into the water?" I asked. Vivienne looked as though she'd just heard a joke. "You really don't know, do you? His Highness is an excellent swimmer. But there were Northvale spies hiding along the shore that day. He was too busy keeping an eye on them to bother saving you." She continued, "Then, he draped a coat over you and said a few comforting words, and you were so moved by it." She covered her mouth as she laughed. "You really are easy to win over." I remembered the icy water of the lake that day. After the guards pulled me out, Adrian wrapped me tightly in his cloak. I cried in his embrace, and he kept reassuring me. "Don't be afraid. I'm here." That day marked the first time I stopped seeing him as my enemy. It turned out that those moments when I'd started falling for him had all been part of a scheme staged for the enemy troops. I knew nothing about the scheme I was caught up in. That was why my tears had been real and so had my love. When Adrian arrived, the wooden bird in the brazier had already burned down to a charred lump. I looked at him and asked, "Remember when you took me to the lantern fair that year? Was it to lure the spies out?" "Yes." I added, "And when I fell into the lake, you didn't save me because you were keeping an eye on that man?" He was silent for a moment before saying, "I knew the guards could save you." So, Vivienne hadn't been lying to me after all. Adrian reached out as if to pull me toward him. But I suddenly remembered the terror I'd felt when the lake water rushed into my mouth and nose and how I thought I was about to die. I instinctively took a step back. His hand froze in midair. "Evelyn, I admit that everything I did at first was part of a plan. But without this whole act, Julian would never have been able to return." He continued, "Now you can leave here alive and spend the rest of your life without having to worry about making ends meet. That's already the best possible outcome." Vivienne suddenly spoke up. "General Whitmore's ceremony honoring his military achievements is scheduled for tomorrow at 9:00 am. It would be terribly unlucky if her coffin crossed paths with the ceremonial procession." Adrian thought for a moment. "Then, have her take the pills two hours earlier." He turned and gave his orders. "Have her placed in the coffin at 7:00 am and sent out of Kingsbridge before 9:00 am. Don't let this delay Julian's ceremony." I listened in silence. Julian's return alive was a cause for celebration at court. But even my death couldn't be allowed to get in the way of his procession. Perhaps leaving earlier was for the best. After all, there was no one left for me to wait for. Chapter 4 Before dawn, black mourning drapes had already been hung around the courtyard. Clara helped me change into my burial dress, her tears dripping onto my collar. "My lady, please let me go to the south with you." The steward stood in the doorway, blocking her way. "His Highness has already granted you your freedom. Ms. Ashford will be taking on a new name and identity. She can't have anyone with her who knows the truth." Clara dropped to her knees, crying. "My lady always starts coughing when winter comes, and she keeps waking from nightmares at night. Without me, who's going to remember to warm her medicine?" I placed the contract binding her to my service in her hand. "You don't have to take care of me anymore," I said. As they led Clara away, she kept looking back every few steps. "My lady, when you get to the south, please make sure you eat properly. Don't keep taking your anger out on your own health." I watched as they closed the door, leaving Clara outside. But I made no promise. My parents and Julian had already arrived. My mother tucked a scented sachet into my hand. "It contains the calming herbs you used to sleep with when you were little. If you have trouble sleeping once you reach the south, keep it beside your pillow." After saying that, she reminded me of one more thing. "From now on, don't ask anyone to send letters home for you. You're already dead. If you keep in touch with us, everything we've arranged today will have been for nothing." I ran my fingers over the orchid embroidered on the sachet. When I was gravely ill as a child, my mother stayed by my side for three days and three nights. She'd told me I was her own flesh and blood. As long as I was alive and well, she wanted nothing more. Even now, she still remembered my trouble sleeping, and she still couldn't bear to part with me. But she'd already prepared the sachet for me, along with the words that meant we'd never see each other again for the rest of our lives. Julian stood beside the coffin. "The house in the south is ready. The backyard is full of cherry trees. I think you'll like it." I glanced at him. "I like magnolias." He was taken aback. The year we married, Julian and I planted a magnolia tree in the courtyard together. He rolled up his sleeves and dug the hole, getting dirt all over his face. I laughed at the mess he'd made of himself, so he deliberately smeared a little dirt on the tip of my nose, too. He promised to build a swing beneath the tree when the magnolias bloomed. The tree bloomed the following year, but Julian had already left for the border. I didn't let the servants build the swing because I wanted to wait for him to come home and make it himself. Then news of his death reached Kingsbridge. I spent an entire night sitting alone beneath the magnolia tree. In the end, the swing he'd promised me was never built. Julian spoke softly. "I remembered wrong. Once you reach the south, I'll have the cherry trees replaced with magnolias." The time was drawing near, but Adrian still hadn't appeared. The steward explained, "His Highness is at the palace, presiding over General Whitmore's ceremony honoring his military achievements. He said Ms. Ashford has always been understanding, so there's no need for her to wait for him." My father immediately spoke up. "In that case, let's begin. We mustn't let the funeral arrangements cast a shadow over today's celebrations." Julian dissolved the Deathveil Pills in the medicine. I hid what I was doing behind my handkerchief as I added the rat poison to the medicine. The liquid rippled slightly before quickly settling again. My mother brought over some candied fruit. "You've always hated bitter medicine. Pop one of these in your mouth after you finish, and it won't taste so bad." I looked at her and suddenly remembered my wedding day. She had held me close and cried, telling me that I'd always have a home to come back to. If Julian ever treated me badly, I could return whenever I wanted. And I'd believed her all those years. But when I finally came home, she combed my hair, made me vanilla custard, and personally held my burial dress against me to check the fit. My mother remembered everything. She just never asked whether I wanted to leave. Julian held out the medicine to me. "You'll only be asleep for six hours. Once the ceremony is over, I'll come and get you outside the city." My father spoke up, too. "Evelyn, you've always been so understanding, even as a child. Just help the family get through this one last time." I took the medicine and downed it in one go. My mother hurriedly offered me some candied fruit. I shook my head. A little sweetness might make a pretend death easier to bear, but I had no need for it. Mine would be real. Julian helped me lie down in the coffin and straightened my dress. "Don't be afraid. I promise I'll wake you in six hours." My father added a warning. "Don't open the coffin until you're outside the city. We can't afford to leave any evidence behind." My mother held my hand, her tears falling between my fingers. "Take good care of yourself when you reach the south. Please don't blame me." The poison gradually began to take effect. It felt as though a heavy weight was pressing down on my chest, and the voices around me grew more and more distant. Three years ago, Julian had shared a cherry pastry with me outside the city gates and asked me to wait for his return. Two years ago, Adrian had carried me away from the memorial hall. He told me that from then on, he would never let me wait alone for a dead man again. The man I'd waited for had returned alive. And the man who'd promised to stay by my side had finally gotten the ending he wanted. One was receiving military honors, while the other had cleared his name. Everyone could start over. But all they'd left me was a new identity, a house in an unfamiliar place, and a comfortable life that came with one condition. I could never return to Kingsbridge. They called it a way out for me. But I no longer wanted the life they'd planned for me. At last, Adrian's voice came from outside the courtyard. "Has she taken the medicine?" The steward replied in a low voice, "Just now, Your Highness." Footsteps stopped beside the coffin. Adrian noticed the candied fruit in my mother's hand and frowned. "Why didn't you give her any? She hates bitter medicine." I wanted to tell him he needn't bother. From now on, I'd never have to swallow anything bitter again, no matter how bitter. My mother still held my hand and kept reassuring me. "You're just going to sleep for a while. Evelyn, everything will be fine when you wake up." I slowly closed my eyes. The last faint beats of my heart finally came to a stop.